This is where we need to cultivate an awareness. But then there are times we’re in reactive mode because we’re on autopilot. For example, if a child runs out into the street, we’re going to react. Let’s be honest, there are times we’re called to react. There’s this notion of attitude, with an emphasis on calm. Parents need to pause and refresh their well to rejuvenate. We also need to take care of ourselves, be kind, be compassionate and find space for breaks when we need them.
Embrace the opportunity to pause and be present to your children, intentionally and attentionally. When I take a child on a walk and they stop at a puddle at the end of a driveway to marvel at their mirror image, but the parent says, “C’mon, we’re going for a walk!” we’ve missed that opportunity to be present. Attention is always sensory driven What am I seeing, touching, hearing, feeling, tasting? If we’re caught in worry and problem-solving – worrying about the future or what happened earlier or feeling guilty or being caught up in the multitude of other things we need to take care of – we cannot be present. If the intention is to put the child in bed and get out as fast as we can, that’s a very different pause.
With intention, we ask ourselves the questions, “What’s my intention?” If it’s to put the child to bed at night and whisper about the day and be totally present, then be present. Our children call us to action, and mindfulness is a good way to parent. And children don’t come with an owner’s manual. When we think about parenting, it can seem like a daunting task, the most important we’ll ever do in our lives. They are, after all, the most important pieces of our lives. When we practice, it becomes more intuitive that we need to do it with our children as well. Sometimes changing clothing or washing your hands or face can help provide a fresh set of lenses. Prepare yourself to step over that threshold and enter the world of your child. Breathe your body and come to your senses.
Sensory meltdown from overthinking full#
Informally, I encourage parents to take full 60 seconds before they get out of their car and enter house. Our attention spans are so short that unless we practice, we’re certainly going to be sidetracked by children and demands. My mind wants to wander, so I notice and come back to this moment, over and over again. I sit and come to my senses in real time in this moment with my eyes open or closed, where I’m not distracted by anything other than what is. My formal practice is 10-15 minutes – which doesn’t sound like much – of sitting meditation. You’re stopping to smell your tea, notice if you’re hungry, and pause to take a break and come out of that thinking and overthinking mind. For a formal practice, you’re taking yourself off of autopilot, breathing and counting to 10. You have to practice both formally and informally. It’s not enough to know you should be mindful. We call it a practice because it requires practice. You have to be mindful of yourself first. For all of the mothers and fathers in the trenches, Dave Johnson PhD, CNS, BC, LMFT, employee assistance specialist, Parkview Health, has some wonderful advice for incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine for a slice of sanity the whole family will appreciate. It’s exhausting, but the rewards far outweigh the challenges. Last-minute requests, sometimes difficult co-workers, relentless hours, and constant second guessing over every single decision.
Of all the occupations out there, none is quite as challenging as parenting.
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